I almost deleted this blog about 15 minutes ago. You’re probably thinking, ohhh great, here we go again. Another reason why she never updates this thing. I don’t blame you at all if that’s where your mind is at when reading this. I mean let’s be real, I finally finished telling the SCUBA stories that happened TEN MONTHS AGO last week. That’s ridiculous! But friends and family, I offer you an explanation – yes, another one. This is different than the others as this is the honest-to-god truth.
It’s gotten incredibly difficult for me to write and keep up with this blog the way I had originally intended. From the beginning of this, I wanted it to be about the adventure of moving to a foreign country, the trials and triumphs of that process and the crazy things I got myself into once I was in Okinawa. And I did that fairly well. I blogged about my time in Houston during training, about the painstaking process of learning the military ways and the fun I was having in the meantime. It’s easy to write from an adventure standpoint when everyday brings you something new. Then of course I met TB, Jesse, and my life changed even further. We’ve had lots of adventures together: ziplining, traveling to Kyoto and Hawaii, furniture stores (yes, it’s an adventure), roller slide parks, casing the beach for sea glass, and making our own version of the holidays. But eventually those days slow down and real life sets in.
Don’t get me wrong, real life is great. Real life is better than it’s ever been. I’m so happy with Jesse and the life that we are building together. But I didn’t want to write about it. This life was private, it was ours and I held very closely to my heart. Maybe too close. I was afraid that writing something overly personal would mess something up with us, or somehow push us apart. Like if I was putting everything out there on the internet, it would be for everyone else instead of for us. I talked to him about it, finally, after it had been bothering me for several months. He simply told me, Steph. Don’t waste your talent as a writer. Write what you need to write, what you want to write. That’s what makes you you and I love you. And I said, well yea, I want to write about my life, but you’re a huge part of my life. What if I write about us? How do you feel about that – if I’m writing about the great times but the maybe not so perfect times? And god bless him, he said, So? Just. Write it already.
So here I am at a crossroads, realizing the way I write this blog has to change. It has too be more about my day to day life, our day to day life, rather than just when we do a BIG adventure day. What the hell’s an adventure anyway? Webster says: “an exciting or very unusual experience; a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.” UUUUUHHH, what? Hey Webster, I didn’t sign up for uncertain outcome. And hazardous? I got my fair share of hazardous with the SCUBA don’t you think? No, my idea of adventure has always been a little less awesome (or a little less dramatic) than all of that. I just want to have a good time. I want to love life and live it to the absolute fullest. I want to share it with someone I’m madly in love with and someone that can share in my happiness and sorrows and vice versa. I want to do things that maybe other people wouldn’t dare try, and I want to write about all of it.
So there’s my long winded, roundabout explanation. I haven’t been writing because I’ve been avoiding. I wasn’t writing about what I really cared about these days, so I wasn’t writing at all. Lame? Maybe. But now at least you have the information and you can decide what to do with it. I’m going to write more personally, more from the heart. I hope that you all still read and enjoy, but if you just can’t stand another mushy blog, I won’t take it personally. Not to worry though, I’ll still write about the “cool” stuff, too. Thanks for stickin’ with it….
In the meantime, here’s a few more pictures of my life these days. We are truly so happy.